So Maybe We Know Them Too Well
by Wolf Maid
Summary: Kinda tag to SG-1's Pegasus Project. SG-1 is still in Atlantis. Mini!chapters. Sheppard & Mitchell accidentally crash a jumper in the ocean... focuses on the interactions of the two crews & the chaos around them. Implied Shweir, SamJack, & DanielVala
1. Maybe Rodney Isn't Paranoid

AN: I completely forgot I'd written a sorta sequel for "Alike." I just found them and thought I ought to post 'em. Tag to "Pegasus Project." Only thing you really need to know is that Mitchell says to Sheppard…

"So these Puddle Jumpers…" (cue inevitability…)

AN2: Several little drabble-ish chapters focusing on Sheppard, Mitchell, & the chaos that surrounds them.

…V…

…Maybe Rodney isn't Paranoid (Nah) …

"Elizabeth."

"Rodney?" she asks, looking up at the man that had just entered her office. He looked slightly winded, and very wide-eyed. "Everything okay?"

"We need to evacuate the city! Or send them off on a mission somewhere—but not with me! I won't go! Make Xena—no, Conan—he seems to match their luck enough…"

"Rodney! Calm down! _What's going on?_" He sat down abruptly in the chair across from her.

"Mitchell and Sheppard. Walking…talking…going to look at Jumpers…"

"Rodney, what on Earth has that to do with—"

"Elizabeth! Sheppard gets into how many bad situations in a _day?_ What's he going to do with a just-as-evil twin? There'll be wraith here in two days!"

"Rodney, you aren't really saying—"

"Dr. Weir—Sheppard is on the radio—something about a jumper crash-landing in the ocean—the steering controls were shot—" a tech panted from the doorway. Elizabeth shot McKay a worried look and then ran towards the control room. And McKay rolled his eyes.

"Hello, _genius_ here. Why does no one ever listen to me?"


	2. What, You Just Assume That?

…What, You Just Assume That?...

"Carson—"

"Rodney?" Beckett looked up from his desk. "What kin I do for you?"

"We need a med team in the Jumper Bay—"

"Sheppard?"

"And Mitchell."

"Bloody—I'll make sure to bring the big bandages," he nodded, gathering the supplies. "What happened?"

"They crashed a jumper into the ocean," McKay half-sighed.

"They _what?_ Isn't Mitchell a pilot, too?"

"John said steering controls were shot," McKay shrugged. Beckett shook his head with a groan.

"I'll meet you up there in a minute, Rodney." McKay nodded and started out, but looked back before he had quite left the room."

"Carson?"

"Yes?"

"Remember—really big bandages."


	3. Slip o' the Tongue

…Slip o' the Tongue…

"This is surprisingly typical."

"Puddle Jumpers often crash? Not very convenient transportation, then."

"Ha. Funny. Insult my jumpers again and I'll kick you out. You can hitch a ride with Flipper."

"About that…does this planet have sea-creatures?"

"Rodney had a she-whale following him around…" Sheppard smirked.

"I heard about that…that's when Carter…?"

"Yep," Sheppard nodded, suppressing a grin.

"He's really got to get over that. She obviously has a thing for O'Neill."

"Really?" Sheppard leaned forward, intrigued. "But he's her CO."

"You haven't heard about the drama at the SGC? They've liked each other forever but haven't been able to act on it. I've got twenty on August 9th, next year."

"You guys bet on when they'll get together?" Mitchell laughed at Sheppard's expression.

"What, it's just like how everyone her bets on you and Doctor W—" Mitchell froze, biting his lip.

"Betting on what?" Sheppard asked, voice dangerous. Mitchell merely cocked an eyebrow.

"Awfully interested in how relationships work out when one's the CO, aren't ya'?" There was a longish pause, and then Sheppard sighed.

"She's not my CO, CO, y'know," he said petulantly. "She's civilian. That's gotta count for something."


	4. Unfortunate Realizations

…Unfortunate Realizations (for Carter)…

"I knew this was a bad idea," Daniel growled as he followed Dr. Weir to the Jumper Bay.

"What, are you kidding?" Carter asked, raising an eyebrow. "You've wanted to come to Atlantis since—"

"Not coming here. _Them_. Haven't you read the mission reports?"

"The Atlantis ones? Of course."

"And you didn't notice how closely Sheppard's devil-may-care attitude mirrors Cameron's?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"And you didn't notice them talking earlier? And who do you think gave Cameron that lemon? And how many near-death experiences has Sheppard had?"

"Oh, crap," Carter yelped, eyes widening as the implications became clear. "With Cameron…oh, this is bad…"

"Why do you think we're running?" Weir yelled over her shoulder.


	5. Imminent Death Can Still Be Boring

…Imminent Death Can Still be Boring…

.X.

"…is it 'Tomcat'?"

"…maybe."

"Really? You really used the name of a fighter? Like I wasn't going to get that?"

"Well, _you_ picked hangman. I mean, seriously."

"Well, it's not like I happened to have a deck of cards with—"

"You mean like these?" Sheppard asked, opening up the first aid kit and pulling out a deck. Mitchell stared at him.

"Why is there a deck of cards in your first aid kit?" he asked, looking at Sheppard with renewed respect.

"What…sometimes we take long trips…we get bored…"

"And why are they _Canadian?"_

"Ah. Blame Rodney."

"…so are we still sinking?" Mitchell asked. Sheppard stood up and looked out the front window.

"Yep."

"Just checking."

"Yeah."

"We should probably tell someone," Mitchell sighed. Sheppard nodded slowly.

"Liz—_Dr. Weir—_is _so_ going to kill me."


	6. I Was Coughing, I Swear

…I Was Coughing, I Swear…

Lorne tried—honestly tried—but he couldn't help it. His lips twitched.

"I'm sorry," he said, keeping his voice level. "Did I hear you right? Did you say that _Sheppard_ crashed a jumper in the ocean?"

"This isn't funny, Major," Weir frowned. Lorne blinked innocently.

"I wasn't laughing."

"Mmm," Weir replied noncommittally. "And yes, John and Colonel Mitchell lost steering controls and are floating somewhere in the ocean. I'm sending out a second jumper to retrieve them and I wanted you to lead the team." She looked at him sternly. "If you can handle it, that is."

Lorne appeared to be biting his lip, and Weir tried (nobly) to believe that he was merely regretting his earlier amusement.

"Of course, Doctor," he answered after a slight pause in which he kept his eyes focused carefully on the ground. "I'm always happy to rescue Sheppard."

"Colonel Carter and Daniel Jackson will be accompanying you, as well as Thompson and Sergeant Lawrence." She narrowed her eyes at him. "And Major?"

"Yes?"

"_Do_ try to stay out of trouble, will you?"

Lorne looked at her, honestly surprised. "What? _Me?_ I _never_ get into trouble!"

Weir's lips twitched, and she wisely chose to walk away.

"Dr. Weir! I _don't!_"

She shook her head and walked a little faster.


	7. Clearly It's a Simple Misunderstanding

…Clearly It's a Simple Misunderstanding…

…X…

"Dr. Weir?" The words crackled over her earpiece, and she stopped walking, shooting a warning look at Lorne as he repeated his amazingly sincere (and yet obviously unbelievable) claim of innocence.

"Dr. Zelenka, can it wait a moment? I'm a bit—"

"It's Colonel Sheppard."

Weir managed to suppress a sigh. "Yes?"

"Ah…the jumper?"

"Yes?"

"It's…sinking."

"Sinking?" Weir repeated, feeling her stomach respond in a very similar way to the word. "What do you mean, sinking?"

"Dr. Weir?"

"What," she growled, "Do you mean, _sinking?"_

There was a longish pause. "I think…I think maybe you should talk to him yourself?"

"_Radek—" _Elizabeth growled.

"_Radek, _don't you _dare_ put me on with her! She'll eat me alive! _Radek, don't you dare sell me out!"_

There was a long pause as everyone on the radio that was currently in the room turned slowly and stared at Weir. Lorne tried and failed to suppress his snort of laughter. Sheppard's suddenly hesitant voice whispered, _"Crap."_

Weir lifted her chin, eyes narrowing thoughtfully.

"Hello, John."


	8. You're Sexy When You Stutter

AN: I know this one is way longer, but the rest will probably be shorter. I just got a bit carried away, lol

.V.

…You're Sexy When You Stutter…

…X…

Sheppard whispered, "Crap," his face scrunching up as he waited for the inevitable yelling. Mitchell frowned at him, and he mouthed _'Liz.'_

Mitchell grinned, and then leaned over and routed the radio through the jumper. "This'll be good," he whispered to a glowering Sheppard.

"Hello John." Weir's voice was calm and level. _Too_ calm and level.

"…Liz…" Sheppard answered, carefully ambiguous.

"Radek said that your jumper is now _sinking?_"

"Erm…yeah."

"And _when_ did you _first_ notice this, _John_?" she asked, her voice a touch too bright and cheery. Sheppard winced.

"Ah…maybe a bit ago…didn't…want to worry you?"

"Is that a _question_, John? Don't you know the answer?" Weir asked, suddenly ever-so-concerned. Mitchell's eyes were wide as Sheppard mimed shooting himself in the head.

"Elizabeth?"

"John?"

"Will you just yell at me and be done with it?"

"John, I have no idea _what_ you're talking about. Now, we're going to get you out, it'll just take a little longer. You still have no control over the jumper?"

"Right."

"Colonel Mitchell? I assume you're listening in?" Mitchell froze, and then looked at Sheppard. He merely nodded, face resigned. Mitchell cleared his throat.

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Colonel Carter told me to tell you, and I quote: 'I can't leave you alone for a second, can I?'"

"Ah…" Mitchell wiped a sleeve across a suddenly warm forehead. "Okay. Erm…Yeah. I'll…I'm sure she's just joking, yeah?"

"Colonel?" Weir asked, an evil, pleased sort of note in her voice.

"Just tell her not to tell her boyfriend!" Mitchell snapped, and then when white. Sheppard stared at him in shock. "No, don't! Don't tell her that! Forget it! I'm sorry! _Tell her I'm sorry!_"

"Mmm. She's…listening."

"Oh god," Mitchell whispered.

"Oh, and John?" Sheppard cringed. "_Eat you alive?_" Weir snarled. "After you've been rescued and are safe and sound up here? I'm going to kill you. Slowly."

"Errm…maybe we should talk about this later."

"We'll call you back in ten minutes. Try not to kill yourselves in the mean time, hmm ?" Weir asked, voice once again soft and light.

"Oh god," Mitchell whispered again.

"Ah…right. We'll be waiting for the call," Sheppard replied, trying for brisk and failing utterly. The radio clicked off and the two men looked at each other.

"Oh god," Mitchell moaned. Sheppard sat down heavily.

"I hate my life."


	9. Haven't You Heard of Women's Intuition?

…Haven't You Heard of Women's Intuition?…

…X…

"Hello gang!" Vala called as she glided into the room. She sat down in the empty chair next to Daniel, tugging it closer to him. "Why all the long faces? What's going on? And where's Cameron got to?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out," Daniel told her quietly. "Where did _you_ get to?"

"Oh, I was just having a _fantastic_ time exploring the city, meeting all the people and generally—"

"What did you do?" Daniel asked, turning in his seat and looking at her. She shook her head, her braids swinging from side to side.

"What're you talking about?"

"What," he said evenly, grabbing her hand firmly in his, "Did you do?"

"Now that's _hardly_ fair!" Vala frowned. "Anyway, we can talk later, there's a bunch of serious-faced people in this room and chances are with you lot there's been some sort of emergency or something! So what's going on? And _where's_…oh. Oh no. And you wonder what _I've_ been up to," she pouted to Daniel. "Now Mr. Bossy has gone off and gotten into some sort of trouble, hasn't he? And where's his twin with the better hair? Shouldn't he be here? Or…oh no. They're _both_ in trouble, aren't they! Oh, Daniel, I forgive you for being suspicious of me when things like _this_ are going on around you!" She popped her gum thoughtfully. "Just don't do it again."

"How did…how'd you…?" Daniel half-spluttered through the sip (well, this is Daniel, so _gulp_) of coffee he'd just taken.

"Yes, Vala, Colonel Sheppard is trapped in a Puddle Jumper along with Colonel Mitchell," Dr. Weir began.

"I'm going to kill him," Carter snarled under her breath. Daniel shot her look and leaned over to her.

"Sam, he didn't mean it."

"_I'm going to kill him._" She repeated. Daniel took one look at her face and then nodded sharply.

"Right," he said, making a mental note to keep all sharp objects away from her once they'd rescued Mitchell. Weir looked between the two of them, eyebrow raised, before turning back to Vala.

"Dr. Zelenka is pinpointing their location and _depth_," she told her, eyes darkening slightly at the word. "We have a team assembled, but—"

"Doctor Weir!" Zelenka's voice rang out over the radio.

"Yes?"

"I am getting only a faint signal from them. Something is causing interference!"

"Do you have their current location?" Weir asked, sharing a worried look with Carter.

"For now, but they are still sinking, and with the interference I won't be able to keep them locked for long."

"Rodney—" Weir started, but McKay was already moving.

"I'll see if I can help boost the signal," he nodded. Lorne stood up as well.

"Looks like it's about time we earn our paychecks."


	10. It's a Perfectly Legitimate Question

…It's a Perfectly Legitimate Question…

…X…

McKay walked into the room, startling an occupied Zelenka. "All right, I'm here, now there's actually a chance of saving them," McKay declared, and Zelenka rolled his eyes. They bickered back and forth about the problem, and then lapsed into silence for a couple of minutes. Finally, Zelenka turned to McKay.

"Rodney…could your…psychic whale be causing the interference?"

"What?" McKay asked, pinning Zelenka with a glare. "_What?_"

"Could your psychic—"

"It's not _my_ whale! And what did I tell you? That we were never going to discuss that—that _incident_—again!"

"Rodney, if it could help Colonel Sheppard—"

"There wasn't any interference when it was around _me_ was there? No! So it's probably not the whale! Can we change the subject now?"

"…Yes."

"Good!" McKay worked a couple more minutes in silence, and then turned towards Zelenka. "Elizabeth should call back Ronon and Teyla—they'd want to know what was going on."

Zelenka tipped his head to the side, considering McKay. "Rodney…"

"Hello boys! I've been sent—well, not really sent so much as chose—to come visit and see how everyone's favorite scientists are doing! Well, not favorite-favorite, of course, what with Sam, who I guess should be mine, but…"

"Vala?" McKay asked, frowning as he looked her up and down. And then (maybe) snuck another look. "What're you doing here?"

"Oh, y'know…Daniel and Sam are off getting ready to go save the day and I just thought…well…can I help at all? Maybe?"

Zelenka was still staring at Vala in open-mouthed shock. "Yes!" he practically shouted.

At the same time a skeptical McKay declared, "No."

"Mmmm…Right," Vala nodded. "So what can I do?"


	11. We'll Call it Plan B

...We'll Call it Plan B (for "Bad Idea")…

.X.

"Hasn't it been ten minutes? I think it's been ten minutes." Mitchell checked his watch for the second time in as many seconds. "Shouldn't they have called by now? I think they should've called."

Sheppard allowed himself to flop back on the floor of the jumper, eyes tracing the ceiling for anything remotely interesting. "Liz'll call, give her a chance, Cam. Y'know, if we had some paint we could really spruce up the insides of this girl."

"No, but really, it _has_ to have been ten minutes," Mitchell sighed, with maybe a small whine thrown in for good measure.

It turns out being trapped in a sinking puddle jumper with the hovering threat of death-by-angry-females can turn any trip, no matter _how_ great the company, into a bit of a downer.

"There's _got_ to be a way of getting out of here without getting _rescued_," Sheppard moaned at last, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. "Lorne and McKay will never let me live this down."

"I think," Mitchell said, voice contemplative, "That we should get injured." Sheppard blinked at the complete non-sequitur.

"What?" he asked, sitting back up so he could see Mitchell's face. The gleam in Mitchell's eyes was mildly terrifying. "What'd you say?"

"Think about it—if I'm hurt Sam won't kill me! She might even forget the whole thing!"

"Cam—"

"What? Just a…say a couple of ribs, mild concussion?"

"Cameron, shut up and deal," Sheppard ordered. Mitchell looked down at the deck of cards in his hands and sighed, the eerie light slowly fading from his eyes.

"I guess you're right. What do you want to play now?"

"How about…" Sheppard grinned, raising an eyebrow at Mitchell, "How about we play Go Fish?"


	12. Half the Work is

…Half the Work is Getting Rid of Distractions…

…V…

"So, Radek, could you explain that to me one more time? You think that the Atlantean artifacts, the ones with all that historical importance that really interests me, are probably going to be where, exactly?" Vala asked, lips pouting slightly in thought, leaning very close to a very flustered Zelenka.

"I am not sure, but—"

"Vala!" McKay barked, coming over and standing very close to her, trying for intimidation. She just leaned in further, putting a hand on his shoulders.

"Mmm—what cologne is that? You smell _delicious!_"

"I'm not wearing any cologne," McKay told her stiffly, fighting to not take a step back. She cocked an eyebrow, looking intrigued.

"Really? So that's just you _naturally?_"

"Vala," McKay growled ineffectively, his voice taking on a high pitched, unsure quality, "We're trying to _work_."

"I said I wanted to help, didn't I?" she asked, jumping up and sitting on the table. Where McKay's laptop and work was spread out. What was completely the wrong move for her to make.

"What you are _doing,_" McKay yelled, eyes bulging out, "Is turning Radek into a drooling idiot and getting _completely_ in our way!"

Vala blinked, surprised. "Oh, come now, I'm not all that bad, am I?"

"You," McKay ordered, grabbing her hand and tugging her off the table, "Are going to 'help' by telling Dr. Weir that Ronon and Teyla should be called back, finding out how long we have before Lorne's team is ready, and generally being useful _not here._"

Vala tilted her head slightly, looking at him in a considering manner. "That was _just_ what Daniel would have done! …except with way more sexual tension between us, of course," she smirked.

"_Vala—_"

"All right, all right, no more teasing. I'll go run your errands. Be good boys!" she grinned as she flounced off.

McKay turned with a self-satisfied smile to a full-out scowling Zelenka. "What?" he asked, innocently. "She was in the way!"

Zelenka growled and turned back to his computer, mumbling suspicious-sounding Czech phrases under his breath.


	13. Running is Good Exercise

…Running is Good Exercise…

.X.

Daniel smirked over at Carter. When she didn't appear to notice he sighed dramatically, and she turned, eyebrow raised.

"You 'kay?"

"I owe Jack a tenner," he told her, and then sighed again, looking ahead but keeping her in his peripheral. She rolled her eyes but played along.

"Why do you owe him a tenner, Daniel?" she asked in the way of weary older sisters the world over. He couldn't help the small grin and she noticed with a small degree of trepidation that he was tensing himself to bolt.

"He said Cam would guess you two were dating, and I said you were too smooth for that. Obviously you weren't!" he laughed, and then headed off down the corridor with Carter in fast pursuit.

"_Daniel!_" she yelled, forgetting, for the moment, her rank, her location, and everything but her "friend" that was currently running off to—

_Oh._ That would be the jumper bay.

"Major Lorne, Dr. Weir," Carter nodded, pretending she was not, in fact, breathing heavily, and completely ignoring Daniel, who was bent over, hands on his knees, panting.

"Everything all right?" Weir asked, frowning slightly, and Carter cursed herself for the impression she was making.

"Splendid…everything's splendid…" she managed, and Lorne caught her eye and then looked away quickly. Daniel was slowly edging away from her, hoping she wouldn't notice. She did.

"Hey!" Vala yelled, running into the room, braids in slight disarray, breath coming in little gasps, and Weir rounded on her, trying vainly to mask her surprise. "News from the resident geniuses!" Vala declared, and then noticed Carter. "Present company excluded, of course," she grinned.

"Is there some SG-1 jogging team I haven't heard about?" Lorne asked at last, voice terribly shaky. Weir closed her eyes for a moment, and Daniel couldn't help it—he and Lorne both broke down laughing. Carter and Weir glared, the boys shut up rapidly, and Vala blinked.

"Did I miss something?"


	14. A Blind Man Would've Seen That Coming

...A Blind Man Would've Seen That Coming…

...X...

"Sheppard?" the radio crackled, and Mitchell and Sheppard looked at each other and then bolted to their feet.

"Lorne? Is that you?" Sheppard asked, and was rewarded with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I'm here. We're waiting for McKay to finish with the check, and Dr. Weir is radioing Teyla and Ronon and letting them know what's going on. Thought I'd just let you know that we haven't forgotten you sorry excuses for pilots."

"…Liz didn't ask you to call me?" Sheppard asked, deflating a little, and Mitchell rolled his eyes.

"Ignore my love-sick companion—_ow!_" he whined, rubbing his now bruised shoulder and glaring at a supremely ticked-off Sheppard. "That was a _joke_."

"Not. Funny." Sheppard ground out.

"I kinda thought it was," Lorne replied, and Sheppard would've sworn the Major was smirking. It did not improve his mood.

"Are we getting out of here anytime soon?" he scowled.

"Wait, you're forgetting the important thing—is Sam still pissed?" Mitchell cut in.

"Yes, she is, and McKay's working on it, so probably, and yeah, Sheppard, Dr. Weir asked me to let you know what was going on."

"Yeah?" Sheppard asked, looking a bit happier than he had in _ages._ Or ten minutes. Whatever.

"Yeah. Oh, and she had a special message for you," Lorne continued, and Mitchell winced, because he could see what was coming, but Sheppard just kept going, oblivious.

"What'd she say?"

"She wanted me to tell you to stay safe," Lorne told him, and waited just long enough for the happy, lollipops and teddy bears feeling to seep in before continuing. "She wants you in one piece when she gets the chance to kill you."

Mitchell winced as Sheppard's face fell.

"…ah."


	15. As Long as We're Being Rational & Mature

…As Long as We're Being Rational and Mature…

...X...

"…Oh."

"Rodney?" Zelenka asked, looking over at a stunned McKay.

"Well…the interference seems to be electromagnetic in nature…and moving," McKay frowned, still staring at the screen.

"Moving?"

"I ran it twice—it's definitely moving…in a circular pattern about a mile under the jumper—but I think it's moving up…and we've got—oh—not good!—about four or five minutes before we lose all radio contact with the jumper!"

"Right—tell Dr. Weir," Zelenka nodded. "I have given her enough bad news for today. I will try to keep the lock on that field." Zelenka frowned at the screen. "Rodney…"

"It is _not_ my whale, all right! And I'll go, but only because I don't trust you to remember the message with Vala _and_ Elizabeth there!"

Zelenka shoved his glasses up in an irritated manner. "I resent that implication!"

"Resent all you like, you unimaginative Ukrainian!"

"I am _not_ Ukrainian!" Zelenka spat, eyes narrowing in fury. "Of course, your _Canadian_ brain must be too small to—"

"Oh, do _not_ insult Canada, you Czech-speaking chump!" McKay snapped, stepping closer to Zelenka, eyes blazing.

"Boys!" Vala called gaily from the doorway. "Shouldn't you be helping those tasty twins?" She flashed a grin. "Although you're getting all tough and manly…add in a little mud and…well. Lots of potential."


	16. So Maybe It's a Little Funny

…So Maybe It's a Little Funny…

…X…

"Dr. Weir? Is everything all right? Our check-in isn't for another three hours," Teyla frowned, glancing at a similarly puzzled Frederick. Ronon just cracked his neck in a nonchalant gesture, and she rolled her eyes at him.

"There's been an…incident." Weir's voice came over the radios hesitantly, and Teyla winced.

"Is he okay?" she asked at the exact same moment Ronon grinned.

"What'd he do?"

Frederick looked between the two of them, obviously confused. "What are you talking about? Dr. Weir, is Atlantis in some sort of danger? Do we need to return? What's going on?"

"He's all right, Teyla. He and Colonel Mitchell are stranded in the ocean…in a jumper…" Weir's voice cracked a little, and Teyla's lips quirked as she realized that her friend was trying not to start laughing.

"Mitchell?" Ronon asked, frowning. "Isn't he that pilot that reminds me of Sheppard?" The sound from the radio sounded suspiciously like muffled laughter.

"Yes, I believe he is," Teyla answered diplomatically, trying to divert attention.

"Dr. Weir, are you all right?" Frederick asked, and Ronon clipped him across the back of the head for the blatant show of stupidity.

"She's fine," he grunted. Frederick winced and rubbed the back of his head.

"Is John in serious danger?" Teyla asked, and Weir quieted.

"The jumper is sinking, but Radek and Rodney are working on it. I'll let you know as soon as we know anything else."

"Do you wish us to return? We have collected many dirt samples, and I'm sure we could return to Atlantis if we're needed."

"_Return?_" Frederick asked, sounding appalled. "I still need to—" Ronon's hand across the scientist's mouth effectively quieted him.

"Why don't you finish up and then return," Weir suggested. "There isn't much you can do here, except wait."

"Understood, Elizabeth," Teyla nodded. "We will be back in Atlantis shortly. Good luck."

"Thank you, Teyla," Weir answered, her voice serious and a little worried.

"He is never going to hear the end of this," Ronon smirked, and as the gate shut down Weir swore she could hear him cackle. It was mildly terrifying.


	17. Kind of a Big Flaw in the Plan There

…Kind of a Big Flaw in the Plan There…

…X…

"So…"

"Yeah."

"Think O'Neill's gonna be pissed?" Sheppard asked, cocking an eyebrow. Mitchell scrunched his face in thought for a second and then shrugged.

"Eh…probably not."

"Yeah…"

"Yeah…"

"So…think he's gonna be pissed at me?" Sheppard asked, trying for a totally non-caring facial expression.

"What—about crashing the Puddle Jumper? Or dating Elizabeth? Or getting her pissed at you? Or saying over the radio that she's going to eat you alive?"

"Mmm…any of them."

"It'd be hypocritical for most of them," Mitchell said at last, wearing his thoughtful face. "He'll probably take Elizabeth's side on the whole radio thing, though. That was pretty bad."

"Oh, and telling Carter not to tell her _boyfriend_ wasn't?" Sheppard snapped, irritated.

"That's just playful banter," Mitchell said, blinking innocently. Sheppard rolled his eyes.

"You upset his _girlfriend._" There was a longish pause as they considered matters.

"Maybe I can…y'know…just stay in Atlantis?"

"It is a very nice city," Sheppard agreed. They laspsed into another rather long silence.

"Think he and Elizabeth would approve the transfer?"

"No."

"Right."

"Yeah…"


	18. Hopefully Not With Real Swords

AN: So…this is kind of another chapter where…nothing really happens. Hmmm.

...X...

...Hopefully Not With Real Swords...

…X…

"Elizabeth?"

"How's the progress, Rodney?" she asked tapping her radio earpiece to respond, still moving down the hallway from the gateroom to the jumper bay.

"You need to get Sheppard back on the radio immediately. According to the scans we ran the interference is increasing and we have approximately—"

"Six minutes—" Zelenka cut in.

"—Before we'll completely lose radio contact with them."

"Do you know what's causing the interference yet?" she asked, trying to absorb the first bit of news quickly and clinically.

"Well…" McKay started, and then stuttered to a stop.

"It is most likely…" Zelenka began, but also petered to a halt.

"They think it's a giant squid-like creature!" Vala declared brightly. Weir stopped walking abruptly.

"_Vala—_" McKay growled, and then there were the sounds of scuffling and muffled Czech and she felt her eyebrows closing ranks with her hairline.

"Rodney? Radek? _Vala?_" she asked, waiting for a response. The radio clicked.

"Hello, sorry about that," Vala's said, her voice carrying briskly over the radio. "The boys are a bit indisposed at the moment, but—"

"Were they _fighting?"_ Weir asked, her voice a bit too taut. The silence stretched for a second.

"Ah…um…sort of. Just a bit of a…duel. In my honor. But _anyway!_ Sheppard! Mitchell! Must find a way to save them!"

Weir blinked but started walking again, deciding for the moment to let it slide. "Ah…right. Yes. So. Giant squid, you say?"

"Well, Radek kept bringing up Rodney's whale? Or something. And Rodney was getting more and more irritated. And then suddenly he yelled 'It's probably a giant squid! It's probably _after_ my whale! So shut up already!' And then things went rapidly downhill. But anywho, I think the gist of it was along those lines."

"A giant squid?" Weir repeated, irritation underlining her voice.

"According to the scans the boys were taking, it's moving as if it's alive, Dr. Weir," Vala added. "If that helps any."

"Not really," Weir sighed. "Have them meet me in the jumper bay. They've got about two minutes. Can you handle them?"

A sound vaguely like a suppressed snort of laughter crossed the radio waves. "Them?" Vala asked, disbelief and humor etching her voice. "They'll be there in one."


	19. Yeah, Can't Wait to Give Them the Update

…Yeah, Can't Wait to Give Them the Update…

...X...

"Daniel, I'm obviously not actually going to _kill_ Cam. I'm just going to severely injure him."

"Sam—"

"Colonel Carter, Dr. Jackson, you're needed in the gate room immediately," Lorne ordered, popping his head into the room they were talking in. They glanced at each other.

"Everything okay?" Daniel asked warily.

"No," Lorne replied in a what,-are-you-stupid?-voice. "Come on, Dr. Weir wants you there in about…twenty seconds," Lorne added, and as they jumped to their feet he grinned. "Time to show me some more of that awesome SG-1 running action!"

They arrived in the gate room a few seconds before Vala, McKay, and Zelenka hurried in, all looking rather disheveled.

"Rodney, is that a black eye?" Weir asked, startled, and McKay waved an arm in a not-right-now gesture.

"It's not any sort of pattern," he started without any preliminaries. "The energy? It's not computer generated, and I don't think it's some random geological energy spike, it's too localized."

"So…" Weir pressed, and Zelenka scrunched up his face, irritated.

"So, giant squid," he growled, rather irate. "It may be alive, it may be giant squid. What this means is that we are not able to shut it off and that rescuing Sheppard and Mitchell will be much harder than we would like but nothing can be done right now."

"Dr. Zelenka—" Weir started, but McKay just rolled his eyes.

"He's just irritated because he lost."

"I did not lose!"

"_Boys!" _Vala cut in, eyes narrowing, and they both fell silent, although still obviously burning with resentment.

"Are there any risks to another jumper?" Weir asked.

"The energy field will almost certainly affect any other jumpers in the area," McKay sighed. Weir shut her eyes for a moment, forcing herself to take a steadying breath.

"All right—Major Lorne, I want you to take your people and get as close as you can without endangering yourself. We need more information, and anything you can collect on that field will help us get the Colonels back up here," Weir said at last. McKay cleared his throat.

"I'd like to go with," he offered. Weir's eyebrows lifted substantially. "Even after your…experience?"

"John went to get me," McKay grumbled. "And if there _is_ some giant squid I'm never going to let him live it down," he smirked.


	20. I Don't Have a Short Attent, ooh, Shiny!

…I Don't Have a Short Attention—oooh, Shiny!...

…X…

"John?" Weir's voice crackled over the radio, and Sheppard winced. At Mitchell's questioning raised eyebrow, Sheppard shook his head.

"It's bad news," he sighed, but before Mitchell could respond he clicked the radio to respond.

"Liz?" he asked.

"Hey…so I'm afraid we've got some bad news," Weir said, and Sheppard raised his eyebrows and smirked in a universal 'See!' gesture. Mitchell rolled his eyes.

"What's the situation, Dr. Weir?" he cut in.

"We can't currently rescue you with the interference, and any jumper we send down there will be similarly affected. Major Lorne is taking a jumper down to assess the situation, and Rodney is going along to get some more readings."

"Rodney? Rodney, you're going down here even after—"

"_Yes,_ John," McKay grumbled, cutting him off before he could continue. "Under protest, I assure you."

"_Rodney_—" Weir started, surprised, and Sheppard laughed.

"You volunteered, didn't you?"

A longish silence stretched. "I plead the fifth," McKay sighed at last.

"You're _Canadian_, Rodney," Sheppard frowned.

"As entertaining as this is, maybe we can focus on your imminent death?" Weir cut in, and Sheppard and Mitchell shared a commiserating glance.

"_Fine_," Mitchell sighed. "So Lorne's taking a jumper—"

"Colonel Carter and Dr. Jackson will also be aboard," Weir offered, and Mitchell nodded.

"I figured as much."

"Hey, Rodney, I think this is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me," Sheppard cut in, smirking. McKay sighed.

"Yes, yes, I know you've got a large man-crush on me right now, but can we concentrate for a moment on the plan?"

"Yes _mom_," Sheppard sighed.


	21. But Not Funny Ha Ha

...But Not Funny Ha-Ha...

...X...

"I don't _want_ to go," Frederick whined. "I still need more samples, and--"

"It's funny," Ronon grinned. "You seem to think you have a choice in the matter."

"_Ronon_," Teyla admonished, eyes clearly ordering him to play nice. "Now, I'm sure you will be able to return later," she told Frederick, "But for now we are needed back on the base."

"But Dr. Weir said--"

"_Elizabeth_," Teyla interrupted, becoming irritated and not above a little name-dropping to prove a point, "Told us we may return when we were done, and since it is a teammate that is in danger--"

"Look, just because your boyfriend got himself hurt--" Frederick snapped, and then let out an unfortunate squeak as Ronon grabbed him by his collar and shoved him against the wall, his feet dangling a good foot off the ground.

"As I said, it's funny that you seem to think you have a choice," he rumbled, and Frederick shut his eyes.

"Ronon..." Teyla whispered, putting a hand on his shoulder and raising an eyebrow, and Ronon grumbled but released Frederick, letting him fall to the ground. Teyla let out a little exasperated sigh at their posturing.

"I'll just...pack up," Frederick whispered, and Ronon smiled grimly. Teyla checked her watch again.

"Oh--Frederick," he added as the scientist scurried off. "Just to avoid more confusion--_I'm _Teyla's boyfriend."

Frederick didn't quite suppress his moan, but this time Teyla just looked quite pleased.


	22. Betting is Bad for Morale

AN: Oh dear. Now, see, I've gone and created *expectations*. Remember, these are supposed to be mini!Chapters, and just because I've gotten a bit carried away on the last couple and made them longer, they really are supposed to be small. Tiny even. Miniscule. In short, mini! So please don't be disappointed when they most likely settle back down to mini!Chapters...and on that note, how bloody long is this going to be, anyway? Good lord!

…X…

…Betting is Bad for Morale…

…X…

"Alright, Sheppard, we're coming in for a closer look, so just hang on to your hats," Lorne smirked as Thompson piloted the jumper down into the ocean. They entered with a bit of a jolt, but it seemed relatively smooth from there.

"Roger, Jumper Two," Sheppard acknowledged. "Do you still have a good enough lock on our position?"

"We can find you," McKay and Carter replied, speaking at the same time. Daniel just rolled his eyes at them.

"Alright, well…we'll…y'know…be here," Sheppard replied. A snort from Mitchell crackled in the background.

"Such a way with words," Mitchell laughed.

Lorne glanced from the co-pilots seat back to where the rest of them were sprawled. Carter and McKay were focusing on their computer, running some diagnostic or other, while Daniel was lounging on the opposite bench. Sergeant Lawrence was, for some inexplicable reason, cleaning his gun, but Lorne rolled his eyes and ignored him (as usual).

"So what're the chances that they'll make it out of there unscathed?" he smirked.

"They're in a jumper, Sir, I'm not sure how—" Thompson started, sparing a glance at Lorne, but Lorne just waved him off.

"It's Sheppard, and from what I've heard, Mitchell—"

"Is just as bad," Daniel nodded.

"Three-to-one that they'll somehow get hurt but magically escape a far-worse fate," McKay stated, not even bothering to glance up from the screen.

"I'm not betting against that," Carter laughed.

"I've seen that man in the infirmary more often than my entire team," Lorne smirked.

"Mitchell—" Daniel started, but Carter cut him off.

"Well, at least he hasn't died as many times as you have, _Daniel_."

"There's bad luck and then there's _bad luck_," Daniel replied, looking far more angelic then he had any right to.

"You should've seen this one time—" McKay started, a smile starting to twitch on his lips. Before he could continue, a burst of static…or laughter?...came over the radio.

"Lorne?" Sheppard's voice crackled from the speakers, and Lorne flashed a puzzled frown at Carter.

"Sheppard?" he asked hesitantly.

"You do realize you didn't turn the radio off, don't you?" Sheppard asked, voice long-suffering, and they collectively winced.

"Ah…yeah," he offered with a poorly suppressed groan.

"_Yeah,_" Sheppard mocked. "Betcha can't wait 'til I'm outta here…y'know, back on base…in charge…deciding who's on those boring, irritating little assignments?"

"Of…of course, Sir," Lorne answered softly. McKay snickered from somewhere behind him.

"I hear you, Rodney!" Sheppard growled, and McKay froze. "Really? Three-to-one odds? _Really?_"

"…hi John," McKay sighed. "No chance you're still man-crushing on me, is there?"

"Do you think so?"

"I don't think so."

"High odds on _that_," he snapped.

"And Sam," Mitchell cut in. "I'd say we're about even for my earlier comment, _wouldn't you agree?"_

Daniel and Carter shared a look, he trying (vainly) to hide his smirk. She dragged a hand over his face. "YeahISposeSo," she muttered.

"What was that, Colonel?"

"Yes, Cam, we're _even_, happy?"

"Oh, I'm _delighted_," he growled.

"Let's concentrate on the rescue, eh guys?" Sheppard added, obviously irritated.

"Jumper One _out_," Mitchell spat.

Thompson quite carefully stared away from everyone. _Better than any of that daytime Earth television, _he smirked to himself.


	23. Yeah, That's a Healthy Reaction

AN: As Requested: implied Shweirness! But Also: Liz has a minor breakdown, of the homicidal variety. Oh, come on…you knew this was coming. (And she only allows it to happen because Carson's her dear friend and she trusts him explicitly.)

…X…

…Yeah, That's a Healthy Reaction…

…X…

Beckett watched her pace back and forth with a frown. With a sigh he grabbed her arm as she walked by again, and she jerked, startled.

"Carson!" she exclaimed, blinking at him.

"Elizabeth…" he nodded, and she managed a small smile. "How are ye holding up?" he asked, pulling her out into the hallway now that the jumper had left. She shrugged.

"I'm fine," she sighed. "I'm just…I don't know why I'm so jumpy, I really am fine, and with all the trouble makers off Atlantis I should…I shouldn't be so jumpy," she finished with a tired sigh.

"He'll be all right," Beckett told her softly. She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth in thought.

"I know," she said at last. "We'll get him—them—out. We just…we'll get them out."

"And I'm glad you have that attitude, Elizabeth. I just wanted to make sure you were doing all right," he said with his trademark soft smile, wide gorgeous eyes and all.

"I am," she said, again. He nodded.

"He'll be all right, love," he repeated, a bit more concerned by her repetitious declaration than he was willing to admit. They fell into an easy silence, and Beckett felt himself relax. _She really is all right…_

"I just—I know it's not _precisely_ his fault, but he makes me so _angry!_" she growled suddenly. Beckett blinked. _Or not…_

"Oh…aye. But—"

"I mean, he's trapped in a jumper, in the _ocean_, and he's _sinking_! But he's still acting so—so—"

"Elizabeth—" he started, trying to cut in, but she continued on as if she hadn't heard.

"Oh, he is _so_ not talking his way out of this one!" she whispered fiercely, and Beckett took an involuntary step back as he saw the look on her face.

"Elizabeth—"

"No puppy dog eyes, no mysterious arrival of packages of strawberries, no spontaneous movie nights to make me forget how mad I am!" she snarled. Beckett watched her warily.

"Elizabeth—" he tried again.

"I'm getting grey hairs because of him! Well, all right, hair, and it wasn't grey, _exactly_, but when I saw it and was worried and showed him he _laughed_ and said it was _sexy!_"

"Elizabeth, I _really_ don't need to hear about—" he started, slightly disturbed by the images _that_ was creating.

"So he is going to _stay_ in trouble this time, whether it's his fault or _not_, because! That's my reasoning, _because!_ Do you have a problem with that?" she growled, rounding on Beckett. He shook his head, wide-eyed by now.

"Elizabeth—" he started softly, but before he could continue she collapsed into him. He wrapped her up in his arms, relieved that her outburst was over, and a little surprised that she hadn't dissolved into tears like he'd been expecting.

"Carson," she whispered, and he squeezed her tighter.

"He's going to be okay, love," he soothed, and she nodded, pulling back a little so she could meet his eyes, and he could see that she was already regaining control.

"I'm only worried he's not going to survive because I want to kill him myself," she said, voice still low but lips twitching slightly. Beckett nodded, a grin slowly spreading.

"He'll be fine, love. This is John we're talking about, he'll be all right," he said, his voice light and his eyes twinkling and she nodded sharply.

"He sure as hell better be, or he'll be grounded until he's too old to fly!"


	24. Business Propositions

AN: This is purely a Just Because.

…X…

…Business Propositions (So, Not the Good Kind)…

…X…

"Hi, I'm Laura," Cadman said, holding out her hand to Vala. Vala took it, shook it, and released it with a speculative look.

"Interesting that they didn't send a man to distract me," she said, her lips twitching. Cadman raised an eyebrow.

"They probably knew you'd do a better job distracting him than vice versa," she smirked. Vala's face relaxed in a genuine smile.

"I think I'm going to like you,"

"Oh, guaranteed," Cadman laughed. She gestured with her head and they started out of the Jumper Bay and down the corridor towards the Mess. Once they were far enough away from anyone of importance, she looked over at her companion with a grin. "So, I hear you and Dr. Jackson, eh?"

"And you and Dr. Beckett?" Vala threw back. Cadman looked at her, surprised.

"You _do_ work fast," she laughed. "You've been on Atlantis for how long, again?"

"Long enough," Vala said, satisfied-cat smile prominently displayed.

"Long enough for _what_ exactly?" Cadman asked, the interested part of her by far outweighing the vaguely terrified.

"_Well_," Vala smirked, turning towards her, "I did have a _bit_ of an idea…"

Cadman nodded, urging her to continue while at the same time leading her out of the earshot of…well, hopefully anyone.

"You know those calendars they have? Where attractive men that stop fires or enforce laws pose shirtless to raise money?" Vala asked, her voice thoughtful. Cadman turned and looked at her, intrigued.

"Yeah?"

"I'm thinking Cheyenne Mountain and Atlantis could be funded on a calendar like that."

Cadman laughed so hard she had trouble inhaling.

Then she stopped walking with a frown and looked at Vala. "Y'know, that could work."

Vala just grinned at her.


	25. Bet the Millennium Never Had This Prob

AN: Sorry it's been so long, I'm smack in the middle of finals =/ Just wanted to put something back up here again, and I promise I'll get back to posting more regularly.

This is all Star Wars references, lol. Yes, I'm a dork.

…X…

…Bet the Millennium Falcon Never Had This Problem…

…X…

"Definitely Han Solo. Or…John McClane. Or…maybe Batman?" Sheppard drawled from the floor of the jumper. Mitchell, leaning against the wall, quirked an eyebrow.

"Batman?"

"No, no. Definitely Han Solo. I think." Sheppard frowned in thought, which Mitchell took as his cue to cut in.

"I've kinda heard that you're more of a James T.—"

"I'm _not_ Kirk!" Sheppard snapped, pushing off the ground and leaning on his arm.

"Maybe a l'il James Bond?" Mitchell grinned. Sheppard just groaned.

"I really have no idea how I got this reputation."

"Yeah…from what I've seen, you seem like a one-woman guy," Mitchell nodded. Sheppard narrowed his eyes.

"_Dr._ Weir—"

"She does make a good Leia, you're right…" Mitchell nodded thoughtfully. Sheppard let himself fall back to the ground with a moan.

"I give up." They sat in silence for a bit.

"So, does that make Rodney Luke?" Mitchell asked at last. Sheppard, eyes closed, frowned a bit.

"Rodney's C-3PO. Or...alright, I guess he can be R2-D2. Ronon's definitely Chewie. Maybe Teyla's Luke?"

"Teyla's a guy? Bet she can't wait to hear that," Mitchell drawled. Sheppard winced.

"Don't tell her. Oh, god, _don't tell Ronon!"_

"Did someone say blackmail? It sounded like someone just said blackmail," Mitchell smirked. Sheppard glared up at him.

"Whatever, _Lando_."


	26. So When You Say 'Oops'

AN: Is it troubling to say that originally I assumed this would play its course in four or five chapters?

…X…

…So When You Say 'Oops'…

…X…

"How's everything?" Weir asked, the smallest bit of static starting to creep over the radio.

"We're about 80 meters away from the other jumper, and our instruments are definitely starting to go a bit haywire so we're holding off for now," Lorne offered, glancing back at the mini collection of frowning doctors he was collecting in the back.

"Any change with the other jumper?" The first jumper and Atlantis had finally fallen completely out of contact thanks to the interference.

"Our last check-in was five minutes ago, and they seemed fine then. There descent appears to be slowing, as well."

"Wonderful news, Major," she replied.

Almost immediately the entire jumper shuddered, the metal creaking in a fairly worrying manner.

"Dr. McKay! What was that?" he asked, jumping to his feet and turning back to the now-sprawled doctors in the back. Only Lawrence had managed to keep his feet, but he didn't appear to be offering any kind of help, either.

McKay and Carter scrambled back up to the computer that Daniel had managed to lunge and save.

"Oh," they both said, and then began speaking in a fast, unintelligible manner to each other.

"_Doctor!"_ Lorne growled, and McKay looked up, eyes wide.

"Erm…"

"What." Lorne bit off.

"Well…" Carter sighed.

"What. Is. Wrong. _Now_."

"Funny thing…" McKay tried, looking miserable.

"Am I going to find this funny?" Lorne frowned.

"…no."

"I didn't think so."

"Major Lorne, the helm is not responding—I don't have any control over this jumper!" Thompson yelled from the front. Lorne closed his eyes and appeared to be counting to ten.

"We're being affected by the interference," Daniel realized. Carter and McKay nodded slowly.

"_What?_" Weir growled over the increasingly static radio.


	27. Disturbing Image:

AN: Why is it that I only ever get writers blocks when I actually have the time to write? Grrrr

…X…

…Disturbing Image: Sheppard Braiding Ronon's Hair…

…X…

Teyla, Ronon, and Frederick stumbled through the Stargate, slightly surprised that Vala and Cadman had appeared to meet them. Slightly more surprised that they were standing there, eating blue jello, chatting, and generally not appearing to notice their presence. Then they looked up, and the gleam in their eyes was enough to worry Ronon, who'd been around the galaxy enough to know that women in groups with that sort of eye-gleam never resulted in anything good for him. Without conscious thought he started to instinctively inch away—Teyla's hand on his arm and her questioning look stopped him in his tracks.

Frederick, unfortunately, had only honed in on the fact that two attractive women were standing nearby, with no easy escape, and sliding his hand through his hair in a vague-ish attempt to straighten it out, he wandered over.

"Hey—" was all he managed to get out before Vala gave him a once over and then frowned in disappointment.

"Not even in a large group picture," she said, shaking her head. Then she looked up at Ronon. "Now _he_ has some definite potential—I'm thinking September?"

"I like how you think," Cadman laughed. Ronon twitched reflexively, and Teyla blinked.

"Any word on the jumper?" she asked, and Cadman pinched her nose with a sigh.

"Nothing good," she sighed. "Come on, I think Dr. Weir's expecting you in the jumper bay."

"I thought that Lorne was going to attempt a rescue mission?" Ronon asked, and Vala winced.

"Let's just say that we're in talks for a rescue mission…to rescue our rescue mission."

Teyla stopped walking and turned to Cadman with a frown.

"Elizabeth knew better than to send McKay to help--?"

"I think," Vala sighed, "The problem was not so much McKay as his combination with one Daniel Jackson…"

"Your mate," Ronon nodded. All three women turned to him, eyebrows raised.

"_How_ did you know that!" Vala asked, surprised. Ronon shrugged.

"Sheppard likes to gossip," he said. They continued to stare. "It's…interesting." They were still staring. "I spent a lot of time without people…and…Atlantis has a lot of…plot."

"Plot." Cadman stated, eyes wide, completely taken aback.

"There _is_ a remarkable amount of…interactions among your people," Teyla admitted. Vala turned to Cadman.

"So I'm thinking picture _and_ interview, because _really_."

Cadman was slowly shaking her head in surprise. "Quite."


	28. Sheppard Would Not Make a Good Penguin

AN: Sheppard's a bit more on-edge than Mitchell because he's got McKay and Liz on his case. Come on, give the guy a break, guys! =P

…X…

…Fact: Sheppard Would Not Make a Good Penguin …

…X…

"Hey…so, guys…you still there? Cuz you said you'd check in in 5…about 10 minutes ago…" Sheppard asked, his voice giving the impression of treading on eggshells. Clearly he was no longer expecting good news.

"Colonel Sheppard…" Lorne said, his voice on an impressively even keel, given the situation. "Sorry about not checking in earlier, we've just been experiencing some…slight technical difficulties…"

"_Damnit…_" Sheppard moaned, slumping into the pilots seat and giving a decent amount of thought to slamming his head into the nearest wall. He refrained only because he'd hate to give Mitchell any more ideas about rib-breaking and what-not. Seriously, even an angry-Liz wasn't worth broken ribs. _Okay, that was totally a lie, but also beside the point_. "You're stuck in the field, aren't you?"

"I'm going to go ahead and put McKay on," Lorne said a bit too quickly, and Mitchell slumped down next to Sheppard in the co-pilot's seat.

"Why do I get the feeling that I'm not going to like this news?" Mitchell snarked half-heartedly.

"I'm a pilot. I'm not made for water," Sheppard whined. Mitchell removed his hands from his face in order to give him a skeptical look.

"Good job on moving to the _floating island city_, then," he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. Sheppard shot him a nasty look in reply. Mitchell responded with a fairly inappropriate gesture, so it was good for everyone when McKay finally came on the radio.

"Hey John," he said, his voice a little too tired for Sheppard to fairly rag on him.

"So how's the rescue going?" Sheppard asked, voice a bit too casual. Sheppard was a bit too irritated to bother with little things like fair. Not that he ever really did with McKay.

"Oh, you mean have we given up all hope and broken out the deck of playing cards instead of trying to find a solution?" McKay snapped back. McKay was a bit too irritated to pretend patience. Not that he ever really did. With anyone.

"You aren't still…connected with Atlantis…" Sheppard asked, suddenly wary.

"Oh, don't worry, I know how much you like three-ways," McKay growled. Sheppard eyed the wall nearest in a longing manner, considering once again the repercussion of slamming his head into it.

"Is Liz on?"

"Do you know me at _all?"_ McKay asked.

"You are _so_ not getting a Christmas present this year," Sheppard snapped.

"Oh, you've been off my list for a long time now," McKay said, voice turning nasty.

"_I hate Canada!_" Sheppard yelled, and then abruptly turned the radio off. Mitchell was staring at him. "_What?_" he growled, practically baring his teeth.

"Somebody," Mitchell said, casually flipping the radio back on, "Actually, two somebodies, Lorne, if you get my hint, need something to eat because they're turning into grouchy bears."

"Did he just call us grouchy bears?" McKay asked, sounding slightly outraged.

"That's so uncalled for!" Sheppard asked, looking shocked.

"No one picks on Sheppard but me!" McKay said.

"And vice versa!" Sheppard added. Mitchell shoved the half-open power bar in Sheppard's open mouth. Sheppard frowned and then slowly started chewing. By the time he swallowed he was looking calmer. "McKay?"

"Mm-yeargh?" McKay replied, mouth obviously half-full, as evidenced by Carter's half-disgusted "Ew!" in the background.

"He may have a point."

"…I may be open to that consideration," McKay replied at last.


	29. A Tale of Pirates and Mad Men

AN: heh. I don't know what this is.

...X...

…A Tale of Pirates and Mad Men…

...X...

"Ronon, Teyla, thank you for coming back to Atlantis," Weir nodded, attempting and failing at any real sort of smile.

"We came as soon as we could," Teyla replied, looking worried.

"_Your Beckett,"_ Vala whispered to Cadman, who just smirked slightly. Beckett frowned.

"What about me?" he asked, looking confused. Ronon twitched. Vala blinked innocently.

"She was just saying that she hoped we wouldn't need your services as a doctor," Cadman answered smoothly.

"At least not until _after_ they're back up here safe and sound," Weir muttered darkly. Beckett raised his eyebrows.

"So I'm sure Vala and Laura brought you up-to-date?" he asked, and Ronon grunted an affirmative.

"Well, we're bouncing some ideas around," Weir continued. "If we can't turn off the field that's affecting them soon, we'll have to get them out a different way and handle that afterwards. They don't, as you know, have unlimited time."

"Right now we're considering trying to tow them out," Zelenka cut in, having crept up behind them without them noticing. "Unfortunately, we can't get close enough to do it automatically and since we aren't quite sure what's causing the field we don't necessarily know if it's safe enough for someone to do it manually, even within a created underwater shield."

"What do you want us to do?" Teyla asked.

"Well, right now we're attempting to see if we can connect the tow line magnetically. We're running a couple more simulations, but if you have any ideas—"

"Harpoons," Ronon immediately answered. Zelenka's mouth opened and then shut with a frown. Beckett, Weir, and Cadman all looked at him in confusion that slowly turned into comprehension. Vala and Teyla just looked at each other, confused.

"You want to _harpoon_ the other jumpers?" Weir asked after she'd recovered her composure.

Ronon shrugged. Cadman tilted her head to the side.

"Y'know…"

"Ó, můj bože_…Rodney…"_ Zelenka groaned softly.

...X...

...X...

AN: "Ó, můj bože" is 'oh my god'.


	30. He's Good at 'Where's Waldo,' Too

AN: I'm posting two since I've been such a bad person at updating, and I'll try to do another one later tonight.

…X…

…He's Good at 'Where's Waldo,' Too…

...X...

"Hey!" Mitchell yelped, smacking Sheppard in the shoulder as he bolted to his feet. Sheppard instinctively followed suit, tensing in anticipation.

"What?" he demanded, feet braced on the jumper floor.

"I just saw something," Mitchell half-whispered, looking out the front window.

"_Something?_" Sheppard asked, pressing for more information.

"I didn't get a good look at it—I just saw something moving out of the corner of my eye."

"It wasn't a whale, was it?" Sheppard groaned. Without looking, Mitchell smacked Sheppard on the back of his head.

"Quiet. You are not allowed to jinx us."

"Okay, stop hitting me and—oh—_oh! _I _do_ see movement, but…oh look at that you pretty devil," Sheppard crooned.

"I don't see anything," Mitchell frowned.

"It's camouflaged—really amazingly camouflaged to—oh, I think it's clear. I don't even know, but look at how the water's moving around it—"

"Still not seeing anything…"

"Where is your amazing pilot eyesight?" Sheppard snarked. Mitchell rolled his eyes.

"Hey—Lorne?" he called into the radio, trying to get a hold of the other jumper.

"Yes, Sir?" Lorne asked.

"Tell McKay that Sheppard sees something—"

"Portside bow," Sheppard grinned.

"What?" McKay growled.

"Front left of their jumper, Rodney," Carter replied, "But Sheppard, I should be able to see what you're seeing and—"

"Oh—oh, I _am_ getting something at that location!" McKay interrupted, sounding surprised. "Oh and—oh god, John, it's going right for your jumper!"


	31. Interlude, or Shevva's Sure are Shifty

AN: Don't you feel that this needs more complications? I evidentially do, since I sat down at my computer and the first thing I wrote was "interlude." Then I was like, oh _crap_. Yep. (K***), you sly dog you.

…X…

…Interlude, or _Shevva's Sure are Shifty, eh?_...

…X…

"They destroyed a hive ship!"

"They will surely draw the wrath of more Wraith upon the people of this galaxy!"

"They _must_ be stopped! We have no hope of defending ourselves, and we have lived for generations with the acceptance of the occasional culling but this—we can hide in the mountains, but they will find us. We can take our ships and cross the stars but they will move faster than we can. These Travelers, these _would-be_ Ancients! They cannot protect us, and now they are bringing death to us!"

"Please," the man said, frowning at the people crowded around him, "Please, calm yourselves." The crowd quieted slowly, and the man nodded to one in particular and pulled him away from the group. "Sirell, you know that we have long had a truce, and we respect you greatly, but what would you have us do? We are simple farmers."

"Do not think me ignorant," Sirell said, a slow smirk spreading along his lips. "The Genii are farmers, yes, just as we have no way to leave our planet."

Kolya felt a eyebrow quirk up. "The mighty Shevva's and their flying ships. You said they were fairytales, old friend."

"Kolya, we have no weapons. We fly, but we cannot fight. We might pretend, and posture, but you and I, we know each other's secrets, do we not?"

"You want the Genii to board your ships and fight, not the wraith, but the interlopers?"

"I have heard of their ships, and their weapons, but nothing of their subtletly, nothing of their caution. We Shevva's, we will take you there, fly you to the blood we have heard you crave. Kill your Sheppard yourself, and his lambs if you must, and take your fight to the Wraith, but with subtlety. We will risk only for the promise that you will not ever bring the fight to us."

"Leave you in…peace," Kolya frowned, as if the very word was distasteful. Sirell smiled a little.

"That Wraith ship that was destroyed, it was far too close to us, Kolya. We will have to move, again, in order to escape the Wraith's fleet. Keep the fight away from us. That is all I ask."

"For this you will take me to Atlantis."

"For this I would deliver the head of Sheppard myself. But it must be soon, we are moving planets within the day. If you want him, we leave in mere hours."

Kolya smiled. "I think," he said, "I can handle that."

…X…

…X…

AN: Ha, I just created a new group of people for the sole purpose of having Kolya come after Mitchell and Sheppard and McKay, with others hopefully gathered to make generally snarky remarks.

(As it is kind of late, if this sounds like a terrible idea to you I might be willing to change it. Right now, though, I fully admit that it sounds _fantastic_, haha:

**Kolya**: Colonel Sheppard, I've waited a long time for this day.

**Mitchell: **Oh, can the evil villain speech, will you? We're trapped under the water, something's after all of us, can we focus on not being eaten and wait a bit to pull them out and measure?

**Sheppard:** [grins]

**Kolya:** It cannot be. _Two_ of them?

Oh man, I make myself laugh.)


	32. Still, No Technicolor Dreamcoats

AN: Ooh look, two POVS in one chapter! I'm getting fancy! Haha, yeah…no. I know I'm updating a lot, but there's a lot of guilt for not updating in so long. This is cathartic!

AN(2): I just had to edit this because I wrote "knocked them to their feet" instead of "off their feet." It does sort of give an interesting visual, though...

…X…

Bright Side: Still No Technicolor Dreamcoats (Yet)

…X…

The shock-wave was unexpected and knocked them all off their feet. Somehow or other, McKay made a grab for the radio.

"John? John, can you—_damnit_ Sheppard—"

"Sir," Lorne cut in, as Daniel and Carter forced a wide-eyed McKay to sit down, "Sir, can you hear me? I'm not sure if all communication has been cut off, or exactly what's going on…"

"They just…just blinked out," Carter frowned, still staring at her laptop, completely confused. "It _must_ be some sort of shielding, they couldn't just have disappeared, and there's no debris—"

Lorne glared at her. "Tactful, Sam," Daniel said softly, and she blushed.

"Sorry, I just…there must be some sort of explanation."

"Well, _of course_ there's an explanation," McKay half-sneered, grabbing the laptop away from her and scanning it quickly. He was still about two shades too pale, but giving the irritated snort he gave to the laptop no one was really all that tempted to point that out.

"Rodney, are you sure—" (Well, no one said Daniel's "caring" side was always a good thing).

"I'm sorry, wasn't I talking?" McKay interrupted, gesturing with both hands and therefore narrowly missing Lawrence with the laptop. The large man started to say something undoubtedly rude and unpleasant, but McKay rounded on him with a snarl and Lorne watched in shock as for the first time ever he saw Lawrence back down from someone.

McKay looked at the people surrounding him. "Well, let's figure this out. It's not like we're going anywhere. All we're doing is waiting to become whatever-that-was-dinner."

Carter shook her head. "You really have changed, haven't you?"

Lorne snorted. "If you mean he's gotten worse, I totally agree."

…X…

...X...

"Where are we?" Mitchell asked groggily as he slowly sat up, clutching the back of his head. "What happened?"

Sheppard, who was leaning over the dash and peering out the now-dark front window, looked back with a grimace.

"You ever hear the story of Jonah and the whale?"

"_No_…that is not happening," Mitchell moaned.

"Well, I don't think it was actually a whale. But whatever happened, it knocked both of us out and we now have absolutely no steering control, although our backup emergency power kicked in so at least we're not worrying about oxygen, but…"

"…why is it all dark?"

"Exactly."

"You think we got swallowed by a whale," Mitchell stated, dead-pan. Sheppard rolled his eyes.

"I didn't say it was a _perfect_ explanation."


	33. Piece of Cake

AN: Less humor, sadly. Try to get back to funny next chapter.

…X…

…Piece of Cake…

…X…

"Dr. McKay? Major Lorne?" The technician shook his head as he turned back to Weir. "I'm not getting any response, Doctor."

She nodded slowly, before turning back to the small group that had clustered.

"Elizabeth—" Beckett started, looking worried, but she shook her head.

"Radek, I need you and your team to put everything we've got into reestablishing contact with one of the jumpers. Right now we're flying completely blind."

"The energy necessary to boost the signal—"

"We've got eight men stranded out there, with no way of contacting us. Do what it takes," she said. Zelenka nodded. "Lt. Cadman, and I want you to work with Ronon and the jumper technicians on working out how we're going to get those jumpers out of there. Zelenka, I want you to send over whichever of your team would be best suited."

"Mika, I think," Zelenka nodded.

"Teyla, I want you to start going through the Ancient records and try to find any reference to anything like this happening before."

"Of course," Teyla nodded.

"What should I do?" Vala asked with a frown.

"You can help me!" Zelenka said, almost stumbling over his words in his hurry to get them out. Teyla cocked an eyebrow.

"Perhaps you could help me with the database?" she offered. Vala looked at her gratefully.

"I think I can handle that," she smirked.

"An' what exactly would you like me to do, then?" Beckett asked. Weir winced.

"We have eight people missing, at least six of which are known trouble-magnets. I was thinking you might like to conserve your strength, Carson."

"I'll help with the records," he said decidedly. Weir nodded.

"So will I," she sighed. "Keep me updated, people!" She turned back to the technician. "Keep trying every five minutes, and if you hear anything, let me know immediately."

The tech nodded but when she started to walk away he waved his hand with a frown. "Dr. Weir, we've got a problem."

"Would you care to be more specific?" she sighed.

"Well…" he frowned. "I'm not getting anything from the jumpers but…I'm picking up something…but it doesn't make sense."

"Play it," she ordered, frowning as well. A low rumble spread through the speakers.

"It sounds like thunder," Cadman volunteered with a frown.

"But underwater?" Beckett asked, confused.

"Dr. Weir, we have a problem," Zelenka interrupted, suddenly sounding frantic.

"What?" she demanded, turning on her heel to face him.

"There is...energy…flashing through ocean…I've never seen anything the like!"

"Energy?" Teyla asked.

"Lightning," Weir whispered, eyes widening.

"That isn't possible," the technician frowned.

"They're too close together!" Vala moaned. "Bossy and hairboy and hairboy's bestie and Daniel, they and their bad luck are converging!"

"You forgot Lorne," Zelenka snarked softly.

Teyla stared at her. "Bad luck?"

"It can't be a thunderstorm," Cadman cut in, changing the topic. "The rumble could maybe be an engine, and the energy some form of weapon or geological phenomenon." Outside the skies opened up and it started down pouring rain.

"I'm sure you're right," Beckett said, staring at the black clouds rolling in with an uncertain expression.

"Same plan, let's figure out what's going on," Weir said at last, tearing her eyes from the grey sheets of rain.

The lights flickered and then went off.

"Right," Weir bit off.

When they flickered back on, they were all wearing identical resigned expressions.

"This is going to be fun," Cadman sighed.


	34. Sadly, Shevva's are not Psychic

…Sadly, Shevva's are not Psychic…

…X…

"How exactly are you planning on entering Atlantis without having them fire upon us?" Kolya asked, frowning, as the planet came into sight in front of them.

"Our cloaking technology is really quite advanced," Sirell smiled, and then immediately frowned. "Before you get any ideas, Kolya, our cloaking technology does not work in conjunction with any sort of weapon, and is not for sale at any price."

"Are you saying you don't trust the Genii?" Kolya asked, cocking an eyebrow at his old friend. Sirell blinked.

"Precisely," he said.

"Sir, we are coming up on the city, but our controls are a bit slow in responding…" the pilot interrupted, frowning. Sirell met Kolya's stony face.

"I trust you can get us there in one piece, Sheryn," he said. The pilot glanced back, nodded sharply, and leaned forward in concentration.

Kolya looked around the small ship, looking at his contingent of twelve that were highly experienced in the sneakier side of combat…the side that Major John Sheppard had proven himself to be proficient at. Kolya blinked. _Colonel, now._

They skimmed down at a steep decent, the intention being to circle the city and find the ideal place to enter, but the engine, which had been a low, comforting hum, suddenly stuttered.

"Sir!" Sheryn yelled, "The controls aren't responding, I have no way to steer the ship!"

Sirell looked wryly at Kolya. "Ah," he said, looking tired. "Well, do your best."

"_Sir—_"

"Brace yourselves!" Kolya barked, as the engine stuttered again and the ship dropped several feet in the air, still going much too fast for this sort of landing.

Sheryn glanced back at Sirell, swore, and then, instead of trying to brace herself, hit the door to separate the pilot and the rest of the ship.

"_Sheryn—"_ Sirell yelled, lurching up, but the ship leveled off, dived forward, and then slowly started to slow.

"She's doing it!" Kolya yelled, turning to a conflicted Sirell.

The ship hit the water violently, and while Sheryn had managed to slow it, the front window shattered, water hitting the inner door forcefully.

"Sheryn!" Sirell yelled, turning to the door.

There was no answer.

…X…

…X…

"Um…Dr. Weir?" the technician said, frowning.

"Yes?" she sighed, stopping once more near the door.

"There's…a life sign in the ocean."

"A life sign?" she asked, turning, looking startled. "Carson!" she said, turning back to the gathered people. "Go get him!"

Vala raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Oh, I'll help!" she volunteered, perhaps a bit too game for adventure.

Beckett looked between her and Weir and mumbled something underneath his breath. "Pardon my French," he added with a sigh, turning away with Vala on his heel.

"Carson," Weir called after him. He paused and looked back. "I speak French," she said. He kept walking.

…X…

…X…

AN: So Sheryn was going to be Teryn but then I realized that Vala would just start flirting with him and she's not allowed to flirt with _everyone_ on Atlantis, so I figured I'd make him a…well. Make him a her.


	35. Sweating the Small Stuff

AN: Sheppard + Mitchell = Fun Scenes to Write

…X…

…Sweating the Small Stuff (Instead of the Big)…

…X…

"My head hurts," Mitchell moaned. Sheppard studiously ignored him. "It's going _throb. Throb. Throb. Throb. Thr—"_

"It might be related to you getting knocked out," Sheppard growled at last, cutting him off from his repetition.

"Yeah, that sucked," Mitchell agreed.

"Yeah," Sheppard sighed.

"I have to say, you did not mention the possibility of being swallowed by a whale when you invited me for a ride," Mitchell said, turning to Sheppard with a frown. Sheppard stared at him. Mitchell shrugged. "I'm just saying."

"You complain a lot," Sheppard offered after a moment. Mitchell glared. "_I'm just saying,"_ Sheppard mocked nastily. Mitchell rolled his eyes.

"You're just mad 'cuz I beat you at Poker."

"You _cheated_," Sheppard snapped, arms now crossed firmly in front of his chest.

"Are you serious? You think I cheated?"

"Hey, if the insult fits…"

"At least my hair lays flat," Mitchell sneered. Sheppard stared at him, wide-eyed.

"You did not just attack my hair," he said, his voice certain, because really, the alternative would be absurd.

"What, it's all—"

"Insult anything you want, _insult my jumper before you insult my hair!"_

An awkward silence ensued.

"So Dr. Weir really likes your hair, huh?" Mitchell asked. Sheppard scowled.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, what _do_ you want to talk about?"

"Not. That." Sheppard grunted. Silence reigned briefly. Sheppard sighed. "Right, let's get out of the whale."

"Already? But I was just starting to have fun," Mitchell grinned. Sheppard smirked.

"Yeah, but how much are Rodney and Carter and Daniel and Liz tearing their hair out right now?"

Mitchell tapped his fingers on his chin.

"You have a point." He nodded determinedly. "Right, let's blow this popsicle stand!"


	36. Those Scottish Eyes

Yeah.

…Those Scottish Eyes…

…X…

"So," Mitchell said.

"So," Sheppard smirked.

"Stop copying me," Mitchell frowned, crossing his arms.

"I'm not copying you," Sheppard says, crossing his arms. Mitchell looks him up-and-down.

"You kind of are."

"You're kind of annoying," Sheppard said thoughtfully.

"You're kind of useless," Mitchell glared.

"Oh, like you've come up with any useful ideas on getting out of here," Sheppard scoffed.

"You're the one who gave the big speech and all."

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"Nope," Mitchell said, making the word pop.

"You really have no plan?"

"We're stuck in a whale. That doesn't really lend itself to planning. I can barely see."

"How did Jonah do it?" Sheppard asked, tapping his chin mockingly.

"How am I 'sposed to know?"

"I'm trying to bounce ideas around here, okay?"

"No."

"What, I suppose you want to continue gossiping?" Sheppard asked, eyebrow inching up.

"Do you want to share more about you and _Dr._ Weir's elicit—"

"The air would last longer if there was only one of us. As in, _if I killed you because you're so annoying._"

"Carter would've figured this out by now," Mitchell said, egging him on.

"Rodney would've figured it out before Carter."

"Nuh uh."

"Uh huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Uh huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Uh huh. And I heard you have a crush on your CO's daughter, which is way worse," Sheppard smirked. He'd been saving that one.

"Who said that?" Mitchell snapped, irate.

"One Dr. Carolyn Lam?"

"…at least she's a _medical _doctor."

"…are you saying I should make a move on Beckett?"

"He's got that awesome Scottish accent," Mitchell mused.

"…it is pretty cool. He and Cadman are kinda an item."

"You should steal him away."

"…we really need to get out of here," Sheppard groaned.

"God yes."

"Stir-crazy is not nearly strong enough a sentiment."

"But he does have those really gentle eyes…" Mitchell continued, slightly out of nowhere. Sheppard stared at him.

"I wish I had a tape recorder."

"I'm not saying you shouldn't go after Dr. Weir. Just consider all your options."

"How hard _did_ you hit your head?"

"…shut up."


	37. Sink, Swim, or Start Fighting

…**Sink or Swim (or Start Fighting)…**

They were sinking.

Kolya seriously did not approve of this.

Giving your life for the good of the Genii was noble and just and etc. but _drowning_ when he was _so close_ to Sheppard that he could practically taste it?

_The gods laugh._

"Sirell…"

"Kolya, I assure you, nothing like this has never happened before. I—I…"

"…I am sorry about your pilot," Kolya said roughly after a moment. Sirell inclined his head.

"Sheryn was brave as she was resolute."

Kolya blinked. "Well. Do you have any sort of emergency backup controls?"

"Of course!" Sirell snapped.

"Where are they?"

"…they're in the forward section of the ship."

Kolya stared at him.

"The ship is incapable of flying underwater, we did not consider the possibility of crashing into the water and not having the ship immediately explode."

"Explode?" Kolya asked, starting to look seriously pissed.

Sirell shrugged. "You have been to our planet. We do not have these ridiculously large oceans. We have plentiful rivers. They are adequate."

"How exactly do you plan on getting us out of here, then?"

"We have attempted and we have failed. This is why the Shevva's do not take aggressive action. We have been warned by the gods, and now we must accept our fate."

"_Accept_ our _fate?_" Kolya snapped, eyes narrowed. "We're getting out of this."

"You're being childish," Sirell snapped.

Kolya blinked. "I said that to Sheppard. _Don't compare me to Sheppard!_"


	38. I'll Take 'Option C' for 300

…I'll Take "Option C" for $300

./.

"So what you're saying is that you think you can jump start the jumper?" Lorne asked, and then frowned as he heard what he'd just said. McKay rolled his eyes.

"Cute. But yes. In theory."

"What exactly does that _mean_?" Lorne asked, a bit of an edge to his voice.

"Operating under the assumption that the interference has simply knocked out our controls, we're hoping to restart the jumper by bypassing certain circuits in order to basically get around the interference," Carter cut in, quite used to, ah, _simplifying_ explanations for O'Neill.

"However, if the field is broadcasting full-spectrum interference, then we could conceivably overload certain circuits instead of rebooting," McKay continued.

"That doesn't sound good," Lorne frowned.

"On the bright side," Daniel said, smiling gamely, "It's not like this can get any worse!"

Carter and McKay looked at each other with a grimace. Lorne and Daniel traded equally unhappy looks.

"What aren't you telling us?" Lorne asked, rubbing the back of his neck with a sigh.

"There's a slim chance that by overloading or rebooting the wrong circuits, the force field will turn off. Right now it's still running on auxiliary, and won't do us much good if something does hit us, but…" Carter sighed and turned to McKay.

"It's the only thing that's stopping the pressure of the water from crushing us like a tin can," McKay finished.

Lorne leaned back against the wall, processing the new information.

"So you're saying we're screwed," he said after a moment.

"I wouldn't say that," McKay frowned.

"Just that there's a good chance we're screwed?" Daniel asked, eyebrow quirked.

Carter nodded. "Oh, definitely that."


End file.
